Grandfather or God..!!!
once a few a years ago, I was talking to a friend of mine,
we had a discussion over some thing related to superpower, literally our topic of discussion went personal.
he just to make a taunt asked me, "Have you ever seen god?".
I said, "Yes, I've.", well in that case show me too,
"look at my grand father", I said.
a long time has passed,
but its feeling of warmth is still with me,
people say, god is one who takes care of you, helps you to solve your problem, & if you can't, he does it for you. he make you feel good by his presence, he is always after & around you to save you, he always takes care you. he never left you alone. his thought makes you closer to him.
what if I say, I had the same feeling when my grand father was around, I never felt alone, never felt like that any problem has stand before me, he never let me down, he never put me to go in wrong direction. I can simply say, if I'm alive & at least can show my presence today, its just because of him.
Its been 28 days, and still I feel like, he is around me, I can feel him, his voice enters my ears.
I never wanted to imagine me without him, it feels like i have nothing left to do for now. I can't accept his absence.
he is no more around me, but I can't forget his dry face, asking me to pull him out of that killing pain. for three days I was with him, he didn't spoke to me, not even a single, he must have tried but, I couldn't get his words.
he put his life for me, & I could not even understand his last wording, he kept on raising his left hand in the air, holding my hand very tightly, asking me for some thing, which I couldn't get!!
his eyes were wet, every time when I used to wipe them, a little drop comes out of them, he was in pain, in death pain!! he didn't spoke a single word even, he didn't wanted me to feel his pain. he kept it to him self. he didn't shared his part of pain with me.
he just wanted us to stay happy always, but how can we without him??
once I said, "Dada Ji, I don't have shoes, buy new one for me", he immediately wear his old cracked pair of shoes with different colour of socks, and went to market to buy new one for me.
he never demanded any thing, he just gave, gave & gave always.
why should not I consider him god, why not???
I have seen his taking his meals, 2 rotis with tea in plate,
actually he didn't have teeth, so he used to mix every thing with his hands into small pieces,
I have seen him eating only roti with tea, mixing them together, not for 1 day, not for 1 week or month or even year, he had it for last many years.
why shouldn't I took him as my god, why not???
I didn't had father or mother in relation, cause they left us when I was just a baby, but he never let us to feel that we didn't had one.
from early morning to late night sleep, he used to ask every time, every second, he was with me!!! now, there is no one who will ask me to come home, who will ask me to call him every day, who will say, that "YOU GUYS ARE MY LOV & KUSH".
Now no one around me to say, "HEY RAM"...
I didn't loose him, but I loose my self!!
I can't stand even, he was the one to energise me,
he was the one to make me feel stronger,
he was the only one to make me feel, what I wanted to,
and now, I am just a body, merely a body without soul!!!
now, am terrified broken, & pressurised.
I can't make it with out him.
I need him, I need my god to be with me!!
oh god, please help me...
